It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
