Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
