I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
