Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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