i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
