why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
