When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
