They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
