Just fell off a train. Bad.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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