Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
