He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
