all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go