i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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