when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
