Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
