I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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