I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
