nut hugger
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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