I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
