Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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