well you can't waste a boner
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize