well you can't waste a boner
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
