There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
