Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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