Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
