so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
