A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
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I intend to get homeless drunk
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
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What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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