Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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