She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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