You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
