I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
