the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
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Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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