im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
