they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
