So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
