HIV tests are more positive than that guy
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
