I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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