dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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