A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
