I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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