We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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