Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
