I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
