Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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