If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
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