Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
her vagine was all disorganized.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
