Ambien. No doubt about it.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
