Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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