I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
