Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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