I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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