I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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