he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
