apparently the secret to your success is patron
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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