Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
