shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
