I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
