All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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