Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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