He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
worst night to have a conscience
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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