i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
