real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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