Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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