erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
