Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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