did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
