i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
