I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
