Im at strip club and am horny
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Randomize
