Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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