my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
