good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
